Best man, Ushers & Bridesmaids

They're not just for decoration

To help steer your wedding love boat clear of choppy waters assemble an efficient, reliable and talented crew. Your best man and maid of honour (the 'team captains') need to be especially dependable, responsible, confident individuals who will offer practical support and can relax into their roles come the wedding day. If your siblings and/or best friends are not, then give them something else to do (such as a reading during the ceremony). Also consider if they are likely to get on your nerves, you'll be spending a lot of time with them! Remember too that the best man is required to deliver a speech: ensure he is up to the task as a bad best man's speech can put real dampener on a wedding celebration (and it can ruin a friendship).

The rest of the bridal party is not just for decoration either: they have jobs to do. Key is for them to be properly briefed by the best man and maid of honour: that means you in turn need to properly brief them (I refer you to the checklists below).

Close friends and family can be invited to be bridesmaids and ushers: and if you're a 21^st century couple your ushers do not necessarily have to be male (it remains to be seen if Prince William is this modern). And it is not unknown for women to choose a man to support them at the alter and to arrange a wedding where there the best man is a 'best woman' and the bride's chief attendant is a man.

If you choose young children as bridesmaids and pageboys, involve their parents early on so youngsters understand what is expected of them and are not overwhelmed come their big moment. Also consider not spending a huge amount on their outfits: if young children refuse on the day to put them on, there is little you can generally do about it.

The best man and chief bridesmaid need to be dependable, responsible, confident individuals who will offer practical support during the lead-up to your wedding and who can relax into their roles on the day. The rest of the bridesmaids and the ushers are not for decoration! They have jobs to do and if they are not properly briefed they can let you down on the day. The best man and chief bridesmaid are the team captains – make sure you all get on, meet regularly and agree who is doing what. Let everyone have everybody’s contact details.

Close friends and family can be invited to be bridesmaids and ushers and your ushers do not have to be male. Even the best man could be a woman! It is usual to appoint one usher for every 40 guests, but there is no official limit. You may decide not to choose adult bridesmaids. If that is the case give someone else a similar role to that of chief’s bridesmaid to assist you. If you invite young children to be flower girls or pageboys, involve their parents early on so youngsters understand what is expected of them and are not overwhelmed come their big moment.