Compiling a Guest list

The starting point for guest numbers is the style of wedding celebration you think you'd like to have. You might be dreaming of a small initimate gathering of immediate family and close friends, or a larger celebration where you'll party into the small hours. If you have set your heart on a particular venue then the number of guests might have to be limited to how many people can be accommodated there. Alternatively, your budget might dictate the number of guests you can afford to invite. But bear in mind that you can adapt your celebration to suit your budget, so a cocktail party will be cheaper than a buffet which will cost less than a sit down meal.

Begin with a wish list a then start pruning. Divide your list into categories: immediate family from both sides, distant relatives, friends you must invite, friends you would like to invite and "optionals" such as work colleagues. If you are not sure whether someone should be included, try asking yourself if you'd be offended not to be invited to their wedding. If not, there's no requirement for them to be included on your list. Do not feel pressured to include work colleagues, but consider instead who is likely to remain important in the years ahead. Deciding whether to include recent partners of your friends or family can also be a sticky issue. If they are not in a committed relationship you need only include them if you have space at the venue and if your budget will stretch. But be clear on your invitations who is invited and speak to people in advance to soften the blow!

Its a paramount that you have the people at your wedding with whom you want to share the day. The final guest list is usually an amalgation of several smaller lists: those of the bride, the groom and their parents. Managing the list requires diplomacy. It is the one area of wedding planning rarely passes without incident between a couple and their immediate families. Ultimately, whoever is paying for the celebration should have the final say on guest numbers. If your family or families are pressing you to include friends and relatives not on your list, ask yourself  not only who is important to you, but who is important to your parents with whom they might want to share the day. Ultimately, it is your celebration, but a part of it also belongs to your families. If possible, try to avoid causing them discomfort or embarrassment by insisting they offend or hurt those closest to them, especially if parents are contributing financially. It is nevertheless reasonable to ask them to restrict their numbers to people you actually know. Always give your parents a number to work with. If they claim not to be able to stick to that number then negotiate.

If you are considering holding an additional evening reception, before drawing-up a guest list carefully consider your options. You might want or need to get married later in the day, therefore will the main celebration be over in time to hold another event later on? If you are compiling an additional list and holding an evening event solely to accommodate a few extra guests, by doing so, are you adding an unnecessary extra layer of planning and expense to the day? It might be simpler and cheaper to invite everyone to one inclusive celebration. If there is no "B" list, then only those people who are really important need to be considered.

Not inviting children could dramatically reduce your guest numbers.Some parents will not take kindly to their little ones being excludued, others will jump for joy at the prospect of a day or night out without them! Small children can add a special sparkle to your day, are usually first on the dance floor, and often provide unexpected entertainment that money can't buy. However, others will scream through your wedding vows, have temper tantrums at the most innoportune moments and will not consider it rude to show their contempt for what they consider the boring bits! Ultimately, the decision rests with the hosts. Once you have made a decision stick to it. If that is not to invite children, than warn parentsin advance so they can make alternative arrangements, be clear on the ivitations exactly who is invited (printing "no children" is not an option!) and do not make any exceptions, except perhaps nursing mothers: their babies will not be an additional expense and their mothers are unlikely to be able to accept your invitation if they can't bring them. If you decide to include children, if there will be significant numbers of them attending, consider how they will be looked-after and entertained.

Remember to add your own names and members of the wedding party to the final guest list! People generally love weddings, so expect and aighty-five to ninety percent acceptance rate.