Exchanging wedding vows

Many of us can attest to the fact that the reality and enormity of the meaning of the commitment we were taking hit us full force as we exchanged our wedding vows. Nothing is ever as real in life as when we say it out loud!  This is not a moment to wrestle with other emotions - such as fear, tears and embarrassment - it is a moment to savour.

Exchanging wedding vows and in public, can be a nerve-wracking and emotional experience. If you are Prince William and Kate Middleton you've also to contend with the fact you are in a huge Abbey and with a TV and radio audience of several billion people - the expectation will be huge. (Princess Diana was so nervous at this moment that she got her prince's names wrong). I believe it is important to be 'present in the moment', to mean every word that you say, for everyone present to be able to hear you, and for you to enjoy it. I know that the best wedding celebrations are those that start with a meaningful and inclusive ceremony.

When exchanging your wedding vows, the person to whom you are speaking is normally someone you relate to privately and intimately. Most of us (especially the British!) are not used to speaking such thoughts and feelings publicly - actors train for years to perfect this craft. But on your wedding day you are bringing a new sense of reality to your thoughts and feelings by speaking them aloud, and with the weight and importance of what you say and how you say it never truer. Add to this that you are being heard not just by the person you are directly addressing, but by others too. No wonder the act of speaking at such an occasion can be a tense and emotional one!

There are a few easy steps you can take to help you on the day. Most important of all is to keep your breathing under control. So take a full and deep breath before speaking, form the words with the outgoing breath and make sure you hear them.

Focus on the person you are speaking to. Be consciously trying to convince your partner of what you are saying - putting the focus outside yourself will help you be less self-conscious.

Smile! The voice reflects how we are physically and our facial muscles affect the sound of our voice; when we smile we are more vibrant and alive. This is a serious occasion but not a sombre one."

Acknowledge the congregation as witnesses to your commitment and include them. Turn to the side and open yourselves out so that the congregation are part of the experience.

Practice makes perfect! Demystify the act of saying our own names. Start by saying them out loud around the house/palace. When you have got used to hearing yourself speak your names, start practising the rest of the marriage vows. Say them louder than you normally speak. Next, try singing them - it's not about how well you sing but about being more extravagant and elongating the words, which singing helps you do. When you return to speaking the words they will be firmer, stronger and have more colour. Then, by contrast, whisper them, and be aware that you are making the air define the words. Again, when you return to speaking them, because you have employed more muscularity in whispering than you are used to, the words will be fuller and the consonants sharper.

If you are nervous or overcome with emotion on the day, don't panic. Just try to keep your breathing under control. When we are nervous we forget and lose the ability to breathe properly. Breathing deeply is a form of relaxation and will have a calming influence. It's the key to breaking the cycle of feeling out of control.

So breathe deeply, speak slowly and clearly focus on your partner. Pause and take a deep breath as often as you need. Even if you are nervous and emotional the words will still flow. But above all savour this opportunity to share with others your commitment to each other.

Some cultures believe that once something is said, it remains out there forever. Remember this as you verbally commit to one another. It is a lovely sentiment to leave in the air…