Getting started

Congratulations you're engaged! Are you racing around in every direction, on the phone and on-line and talking weddings to anyone who will listen? Do you find yourself devouring every bridal magazine you can lay your hands on and feel you are faced with seemingly endless choices and advice? Or are you determined not to godown this described route but wonder where to start? Either way, welcome to the world of the newly engaged!

Planning any event requires organizational skills, creativity, an eye for detail and the ability to work to a budget. Few individuals possess all these skills or have the time to develop them. But that is where I come in: I hope the experience and skills have honed over the past decade (and acquired both building a successful wedding design & planning business and researching and writing my bridal books, magazine and newspaper articles and for TV and radio shows) I can share with you here on my 'Virtual Wedding'. I'll take you through the various stages and offer a few key tips in each area of planning for your big day. Take or leave my advice, tailor it to suit your vision for your day: but be informed.

All weddings, large or small require hours of planning and the devil is in the detail. Iti s easy to become overwhelmed and lose sight of what it really is you are planning. Key is to stay organized and keep a sense of perspective - and whether that's for a large and lavish affair or a simple informal gathering. But remember too that it is often the spontaneous moments that can't be planned for that will define the day when it comes. All you are doing when planning a wedding is creating the perfect backdrop to that day. So reminding yourself what the occasion is really about will help you keep a sense of perspective. I believe weddings are occasions when we affirm the concept of family and celebrate friendship. People attend a wedding not to admire the flowers or critique the food and wine, they are there to offer you their support as you embark on life's journey together. Great food and fabulous flowers will be remembered and commented upon (as will bad food and poor flowers!) but really it is about the sharing of a joyous and momentous occasion and celebrating that together.

Before getting down the detail of your planning your big day you'll need to consider a few key questions. They include:

• Would you like a civil or religious ceremony?
• When would you like to be married?
• Where would you like the celebration to be held?
• How many people will you invite?
• How much money can you afford to spend?

We call these the Big 5 decisions. You might want to defer some of Big 5 until other key elements have been put in place and you will need to take a flexible approach. But the Big 5 are your wedding road map and until they have been agreed upon you can't get down to the nitty-gritty details of planning your day. If you do you'll in all likelihood tie yourselves into things and services you either don't want or are outside your budget.

When you have decided whether you'll opt for a religious or civil ceremony (which is a deeply personal decision that only the two of you can take - thus advice from me is irrelevant here) you can then think about where you will hold your wedding reception. If you are marrying at a place of worship then the reception will need to ideally be located within thirty minutes drive of the ceremony location. If a civil ceremony, then you can of course choose a venue that can accommodate both the ceremony and reception. Before beginning the venue search draw up a provisional guest list so you know how many people the venue needs to accommodate. Divide the list into categories: immediate family, family and friends who must be included and those you would like to invite if the budget will stretch and venue can fit them in.

When considering when you will hold your wedding, if you can, just pick the season that appeals rather than restricting yourself to a specific date. Whatever the time of year there are hundreds of venues to complement it - so the more flexible you can be about the date the more options you'll have when you when you find your dream wedding venue.

Finally, the million-dollar question - how much money can you afford to spend? To assist you set a realistic budget this is how the costs of a wedding typically breakdown:

• 10% on the Ceremony
• 40% on the reception (including venue hire, food and drink)
• 14% on your wedding wardrobes
• 8% on flowers
• 10% on photography
• 5% on everything else (stationery, postage, gifts).
• 8% on the honeymoon
• 5% contingency

We know the cost of loving does not come cheap and we have some budgeting tips in a Budget Blog. But our main tip would be to plan a wedding that reflects who you are, your lifestyle, your shared values and your sense of style. If you live a luxurious, five-star lifestyle then you'll want a wedding to match. If you do not then be careful not to create a wedding that you and your guests will feel uncomfortable with. 

By all means aspire for a day more special than you've ever had, look more fabulous that you've ever looked, push the boat out a bit - but make it a day that celebrates the commitment you are making as well as who you both are and what you stand for together. And please do not spend so much money that you begin your married life saddled with a debt that will take years to clear.